Daddy ten rules of dating
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Please do not do this. I may appear to be a potbellied,balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.
But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: The camouflaged face at the window is mine. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
Daddys 10 Rules Of Dating
If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Old folks homes are better. If you make her daddy ten rules of dating, I will make you cry. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Do not trifle with me. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts,tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat.